


esnake artist

by sizhu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, M/M, Meet-Cute, Snakes, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 17:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12414486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sizhu/pseuds/sizhu
Summary: Yuuri meets the disarmingly attractive neighbor from upstairs, courtesy of Phichit forgetting to feed their scale baby.Snakes like to go on adventures, too.





	esnake artist

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saunatonttu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saunatonttu/gifts).



> punny title is punny ok
> 
> i fuckin' love it.
> 
> HAPPY FUCKIN BIRTHDAY AIJA

“I’m late!” Phichit cried. “I’m late, I’m late!”

“For a very important date?” Yuuri asked, arching his eyebrows in unconcealed amusement.

“Yes!”

“Seung-gil?”

“ _Yes!_ Who else would it be?”

“And Queenie?”

“Fuck.” Phichit groaned. He started to drag his hands down his face, stopping only at the realization that he’d ruin his make-up.

“Go, Phi.” Yuuri laughed, sitting up from his reclined position on the couch. The blanket slid down and pooled in his lap. “I’ll take care of her. You did remember to feed her last night, though, right?”

“ _Fuck_.”

Yuuri snorted. “It’s fine. Go already; don’t keep your boyfriend waiting. I’m not going anywhere today.”

* * *

An hour later, that was a big fat lie. Because Phichit forgot to feed her, she’d been gone when Yuuri went to go drop a feeder mouse in. Queenie had busted out of snake prison and escaped the apartment. Which meant Yuuri had to venture out into the halls and find her before the super did (and made them get rid of her). Yuuri sighed and ran a hand through sleep-tousled hair as he wandered up and down hallways between the different floors. He was a mess—he hadn’t gotten the chance to put on Real Clothes™ before he noticed Queenie missing. She was harmless, of course, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t accidentally give some poor stranger a heart attack. Though her name might suggest otherwise:

 

“ _We're naming her Queen Mary I!” Phichit declared, grinning brightly. “Queen Mary the Bloody.”_

“ _How dare you suggest that this sweet, innocent girl could have murdered half of England and Ireland in a sweep to restore Catholicism to the land,” Yuuri said, narrowing his eyes at Phichit. He shouldn’t be allowed to name things, not with his sense of humor._

“ _It’s to make people respect her!” Phichit replied in earnest. “Our precious noodle baby deserves to be respected.”_

“ _That,” Yuuri paused for serious effect, “is ridiculously Machiavellian of you.”_

_Phichit grinned again. “I knew you’d understand!”_

“ _I’m still not calling her Queen Mary the Bloody.”_

“ _You’re no fun!”_

* * *

Yuuri really had no desire to scare some poor tenant shitless, even if the worst Queenie could do was gum someone (“to death!” Phichit would say). He hoped he wouldn’t find her because of someone screaming. He _really_ hoped he didn’t find her dead; parents weren’t supposed to outlive their babies! And he was a co-parent to sweet, harmless Queenie. Phichit would be heartbroken. Queenie had been his wing-woman (wing-snake?) when he first met Seung-gil two years ago. Phichit said that Queenie was going to be an honorary bridesmaid (grooms-maid?) when they got married. Yuuri heard from Seung-gil that his husky was going to be a member of the wedding party, too. Yuuri had to smile—he’d never seen a more perfect couple outside of a fairy tale. But! In order to keep their plans from unraveling, Yuuri had to find Queenie.

God, how far could she have gotten in such a short amount of time? It hasn't even been a full hour!

 

Yuuri paused. He saw a flash of white in the corner of his eye. There she was! He turned around and followed the direction he saw her go. Once caught up, Yuuri scooped her off the floor and arranged her so she was steady in his arms. He gently held her face to his, smiling softly.

“You’re a bad girl, you know that?” Yuuri asked her, well aware that he was talking to a _snake_ who couldn’t understand him but also couldn’t respond even if she did. “You had me worried to death, girl. C’mon, let’s go home and get you a nice, plump mouse, okay?”

Queenie just blinked at him. She flicked her tongue at him. It _boo_ _p_ _ed_ him lightly on the nose. Yuuri couldn’t help but giggle at the ticklish contact. He let her curl around him and drape herself all over his shoulders. Yuuri grinned and pat her head with a feather light touch. “You're cute, but you're still a bad girl. Let’s go home.”

Yuuri turned to head back to his floor when he heard a sharp intake of breath behind him that _could_ have possibly been a gasp, except for the coughing that followed. He blinked slowly and turned back enough to look over his shoulder. His gaze fell on an _unfairly_ attractive man. Silver hair that seemed to shine under the unflattering lights of the hallway, blue eyes that Yuuri was pretty sure he could actually, legitimately drown in. And legs? Legs for fucking _miles_. Yuuri swallowed nervously. He was a man in the desert and this neighbor was a goddamn oasis. What the fuck. _What the fuck_. This was not in his plans for the day. Then again, neither was Queenie escaping Snake Prison.

Yuuri glanced between the strange neighbor from the floor above and Queenie, as if she’d have all the answers. She just stared at him, flicking her tongue out. Clearly she was going to be absolutely no help at all. The stranger made a worrying noise in the back of his throat, staring at the Queenie as if she had three heads, a twelve foot body, and fangs dripping with venom. Which was just _silly_. Queenie was a _good_ girl. Tiny and well behaved—with only one head!—and definitely didn’t have any fangs, venomous or otherwise. Yuuri tilted his head at the stranger.

“It’s rude to stare, you know,” he said. “You’re making her nervous.”

“ _I’m_ making _her_ nervous?” The stranger’s voice seemed almost a squeak. Yuuri arched an eyebrow.

“Yes, you are.” Yuuri nodded. He reminded the stranger, “And staring is rude.”

“It’s a snake.”

“Observant.” Yuuri tilted his head. His lips twitched as he caught the stranger shivering involuntarily. “And _she_ is not an _it_. Her name is—”

The stranger stared as Yuuri stopped, hesitating. Harmless nickname to ease fear or full name because he was rude and stared at her. Yuuri huffed.

“Her name is Queenie, and she has no fangs,” Yuuri said. “She really can’t hurt you.”

“Are… You sure?”

Yuuri heaved an exasperated sigh, looking at Queenie. “You wouldn’t hurt a fly, would you? No, you wouldn’t. You’re a good noodle, aren’t you, girl?—when you’re not busting out of Snake Prison.”

The stranger snorted under his breath. Yuuri lips twitched in an almost-smirk. “If she wouldn’t hurt anything, how do you feed her?”

“Pre-killed,” Yuuri said simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He smirked as Viktor shuddered. “Poor Queenie. It’s okay. This stupidly attractive stranger wouldn’t know beauty even if it smacked him in the face. Let’s go home, girl. You still need to eat. I can’t imagine you found something, you were still running when I found you. And it hasn't been that long.”

“…She can’t run.” The stranger furrowed his brows. “She doesn’t have legs.”

Yuuri gave him a reproachful look. He somehow managed to look intimidating in an old pair of sweats and an overlarge t-shirt that had begun coming apart at the bottom. "Semantics. If you'll excuse me, I have a child to feed."

"Uh—"

Yuuri ignored the stranger, turning to head home. He made it all the way to the door to the stairs before the stranger was calling after him. With a sigh, he stopped and turned again, waiting for the stranger to explain what he wanted.

"Viktor!" The stranger (Viktor, now, Yuuri supposed). Even from this distance, Yuuri could see the light blush across his cheeks. "My name is Viktor!"

"...Yuuri," he said after a moment of consideration. He smiled, waving a hand. "Say goodbye, Queenie."

* * *

Six months, countless coffee dates, not-coffee dates, and several nervous breakdowns later, Yuuri and Viktor were curled up together on Yuuri's sofa. Phichit had finally moved out of their apartment and began his cohabitation with Seung-gil. Phichit had cried, not wanting to leave Queenie behind, but between three hamsters and a husky, Seung-gil's place was getting a little crowded. Yuuri had promised to take good care of her and to share her all over Instagram. And Queenie? For her part, she hadn't tried to escape since the day they met Viktor.

"What are you thinking about?" Viktor asked, curling his arms snugly around Yuuri's torso. He pressed reverent kisses along his shoulder.

"About how it took over a year for Phichit to finally accept Seung-gil's invitation to move in," Yuuri replied with a pleased hum. "And how when we first met, you were absolutely terrified of Queenie."

"Well, can you blame me?"

"Hmm… I think she's forgiven you." Yuuri tilted his head back for a kiss. "After all, she hasn't tried to escape since then. And she sits very patiently in her tank when I let you feed her."

"I _do_ admit she's grown on me." Viktor obliged Yuuri's kiss before nuzzling him. "She's cuter up close."

"Excuse you," Yuuri huffed with a grin. "Queen Mary the Bloody is not _cute_. She is _beautiful_ and deserves _respect_."

"I still can't believe Phichit named her that."

Yuuri just shrugged. "Are we going out tonight or are we having a stay-cation this weekend?"

"I don't mind staying in at all," Viktor said, grinning. He nipped at the skin of Yuuri's shoulder where the overlarge t-shirt had slid out of place. "I don't feel like sharing you with the world tonight."

"You're such a sap." Yuuri hummed. His phone pinged and he unlocked it. "Ah, it's from Phichit."

"Yeah? I thought Seung-gil had him go dark for a few days. Some sort of surprise?"

"It's hard to tell with them." Yuuri shrugged again. He tapped open the message, snorting at the excited jumble of characters and emojis. He opened Instagram, having a feeling Phichit couldn't contain himself.

"What is it?"

"Seung-gil proposed," Yuuri said. "It's about damn time. They've been dating for two and a half years."

"Congratulations to Phichit and Seung-gil," Viktor said with a soft laugh. "They deserve it."

"They do." Yuuri nodded.

"One day that'll be us." Viktor pressed kisses on Yuuri's hair, briefly turning his attention to the phone.

Yuuri, who had been in the process of taking a selfie of them to send Phichit their congratulations, squawked unattractively. The resulting selfie showed Yuuri, with a bright red face and a startled expression, and Viktor, with a grin that somehow managed to be both shit-eating and impossibly adoring.

**Author's Note:**

> escape artist? ESNAKE ARTIST!


End file.
